tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66880327794898130762011-08-06T04:57:17.935-07:00allthatmatthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16379143812707430753noreply@blogger.comBlogger11100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6688032779489813076.post-10743488590964101502011-08-06T04:54:00.001-07:002011-08-06T04:57:17.942-07:00<font color="blue" face="Marker Felt"></font>HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF<br /><br />Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.<br />In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."<br />Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."<br />If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.<br />Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.<br />Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."<br />Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."<br />Practice making fax and modem noises.<br />Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.<br />Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.<br />Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."<br />Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.<br />Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.<br />Holler random numbers while someone is counting.<br />Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."<br />Staple pages in the middle of the page.<br />Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.<br />Honk and wave to strangers.<br />Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.<br />TYPE IN UPPERCASE.<br />type only in lowercase.<br />dont use any punctuation either<br />Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.<br />Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.<br />"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"<br />"What?"<br />"Never mind, it's gone now."<br />As much as possible, skip rather than walk.<br />Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.<br />Ask people what gender they are.<br />While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.<br />Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.<br />Sing along at the opera.<br />Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.<br />Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."<br /><br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone 4<br /><br /><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6688032779489813076-1074348859096410150?l=allthatmatt.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>allthatmatthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16379143812707430753noreply@blogger.com0